A Dreamer with the Nerve to Adore You

How are you celebrating the 4th of July?

Well, first Clayton, Westin, and I all slept in this morning. It was thunderstorming and it was just so relaxing and a great time to rest. Clayton heard the thunder and crawled in bed with me and so we snuggled up and slept. Westin stayed in his crib.

Then, we slowly got ready and drove to my husband's family's house. We had lunch there and the kids sat off some fireworks.

In a little while, I am going to make the boys take thier naps so they can enjoy the fireworks later tonight.

I think we are going to stop by my husband's friend's house on the way to the fireworks show. I am then meeting up with Hoot and her husband in Tamms to watch fireworks. And if I am not too tired I may stop back by Austin's on the way home.

That's it! Sleeping, Bar-b-que, Family, Friends and Fireworks! I think we have all the bases covered.

Happy fourth of July!!!

Well, I had put a ton of highlights in my hair back in May. I really didn't ever like them. The blonde was too much on the top, the bottom layers were still a reddish brown and I didn't like the coloring of some of the highlights. Well, I kept it clipped up most of June and I liked it if I wore my hair super curly because only then did the multiple colors of blonde look kind of neat. Anyway, last night I dyed it back a brown color. It is actually a nice color. It was called Warm Maple Brown I think. The whole point of all of this is my son actually thanked me for dying my hair back to what he calls "black." Apparently, my son does not prefer blondes. He likes dark haired ladies. When I highlighted my hair. He told me the color on top was yucky and pulled a strain of my darker hair out and said, "Mommy I like this color." I am naturally suppose to have brown hair so I guess this all works out. I just thought it was adorable when I walked out of the bathroom and my four-year-old got all excited and smiled and jumped up and down, while saying, "Ooohh mommy, thank you! Thank you so much for making your hair black for me." lol. He's funny.

Lovin':

The fact I have a three day weekend coming up.

My boys.

Knowing I've lost weight and fitting into clothes that were either too tight or didn't fit.

My new found determination.

Loathin':

That this work day keeps dragging on and on.

Knowing that I have to make a lot of tough decisions ahead.

The fact that no matter what, it hurts.

Dreading having to talk to my doctor on Thursday night.

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What's the hardest part about the role you play in your family?

Umm well, let's see. My role in my family is mommy and that involves a lot of work and multitasking. I am a working mother, which means the hardest part of this role is balancing home and career. I have a job as an adviser and retention specialist for a local community college. This requires me to go on trips with students and to conferences. This means being away from my babies way more than I like. I find it hard to leave them and be away from them for any period of time. Sometimes I wonder why I ever pursued having any type of career. I want the best for my children and so I am in constant fear about who is watching them and if they are doing a good job. It is hard to find time to do everything. I always feel like I am struggling to find additional time. I want to spend every second that I am at home with my sons because I am gone from 7:15 am until 4:30 pm from them and sometimes longer during graduation week. But at the same time, I need to use my time at home to clean, do laundry, pick up, do the dishes, cook supper, and so on and so forth. I go bowling on Thursday nights for me time but sometimes I still feel guilty and overstressed over even doing that depending on how busy I was at work that week or how often I have seen my children. And then my husband wonders why 9 times out of ten I want to stay home on the weekends or only do activities that involve my kids. Sometimes I feel like I am sacraficing way too much of my children's childhood and precious moments that I will never get back in order to pursue a dream that I've always had. I didn't want to be an uneducated woman. I wanted my children to know the importance of education and the importance of having big dreams, but its hard. I didn't ever imagine how hard it would be and its really making me rethink my goals and ambition, because being a kickass mom has always been my number one priority.

Well, today is one week of dieting. I have had no soda, except for one can of Pepsi yesterday and I had a good excuse. I got a migraine on Saturday night, took my prescribed medicine, and went to sleep, woke up still had a migraine. It was so bad, I got sick to my stomach. So, I took more medicine and took a nap; woke up from the nap and it was better but my back and head were still hurting. I drank a Pepsi, popped one more pill and poof, it went away within the hour.

I am still trying to find time to exercise. I think I need to make myself walk during my lunch break and that way if I cannot find time after work to workout, at least I will have went for a good walk.

I weighed myself on Saturday at KC's grandma's, something I very, rarely do and I think I have lost 5 lbs so far if her scales were right with the doctor's.

If you had to go on a two-week vacation with any celebrity, who would you pick as your traveling companion and where would you go?

Oh wow, this is so hard....ummmm.. I think my number one choice would be Patrick Dempsey in Rome. I mean he is hot and sexy and Rome would be amazing with someone that smokin.' I would have an incredible time if all scenarios played out like they are in my head.

My second choice would be John Cena in nothing much at all on some beach somewhere..hell, I wouldn't really care where I was.

My third choice would be backpacking through Europe with Ryan Gosling.

Yeah, those are all nice dreams to have..lol.

Why do you blog?
Submitted by littleduckling.

Blogging for me is an outline. I am one of those people that always says, "I'm fine/good/ o.k." no matter what. My whole world could be crumbling around me, I could feel like complete shit, and I will still try to act like it's o.k. There are very few people that I actually tell my personal problems to. I guess it was a little over a year ago now that I realized not telling my problems, not talking about them, and keeping everything inside was really unhealthy for me. I had a lot of health problems and put the doctors through a lot of work just to find out that me internalizing my stress was causing me problems. I have learned to talk to people more openly about my issues, but for me, blogging helps me get what is bothering me off of my chest. I don't really think about who reads my blog or what they think of me, because for me, it's just a way for me to sort things out. Plus, I am a writer, writing is what I do best, and my job doesn't require that I write as much as I imagined it would, which sucks. Blogging, for me, is like a hobby, something to help me relax and unwind after a chaotic day.

Well, it is!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELISHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish it was a federally recognized holiday so I could have had this Monday off.

Have an awesome day girlie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are your first thoughts upon waking?
Submitted by Cher Cabula.

No, it can't be morning already.

I don't wanna.....**insert some whining**

Why did I decide I needed a career?

Do I even like my job?

I think I should have just been a stay-at home mommy.

I wish I could stay home.

Oh hell, I better get up or I'll be late for work and my co-workers will give me hell over it.

Fuck.